So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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