How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
