he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
