thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
