conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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