Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
