I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
