So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
