i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
