Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
