Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
