Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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