I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
