can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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