Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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