she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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