just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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