shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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