I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
