Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
