i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
