***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if only i could text you this smell
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
