They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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