I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
