I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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