Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
