He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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