sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
