Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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