mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
