i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
