who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We need to get me chipped asap
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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