Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
