awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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