Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
