How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My dick has a subreddit
FUCK WHALES
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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