She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
