im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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