I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
