he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Two words: blizzard sex
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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