It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
