it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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