He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
