Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
