dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
