Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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