You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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