Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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