You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
