you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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