Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
