Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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