i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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