Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
