Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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