I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
